When some people think about Florida, they think about the white sands and art deco clubs of downtown Miami. When others think about Florida, though, the first thing that comes to mind is the last “Florida Man” story that they read on Twitter.
The Florida Man trend goes all of the way back to 2012 when headlines starting with “Florida Man…” ended with “… Does something absolutely crazy!”
Some of the best Florida Man stories involve stories of robberies gone wrong, “a*****t with an alligator,” stealing ambulances, shooting hurricanes, writing obscene messages on c***s, and more. The Florida Man stories show a different side of Florida; a side that most people never get to see.
Today, I’m going to show you some of the wackiest, wildest, most obscene, and hilarious headlines, news clippings, and tabloid stories every written about the ever elusive “Florida Man.”
Get ready to hold onto your seat, because you’re about to laugh until your sides hurt.
The Best Florida Man Stories On The Internet
To clarify, Florida Man isn’t just one guy. It’s the iconic headline used by tabloids and news publications to describe crimes, mishaps, and other random acts comitted by Florida residents. As you’ll see below, there is a lot more to Florida than meets the eye. Just because it’s a vacation, boating, and golf destination for some doesn’t meant that it doesn’t have its fair share of wild stories.
Without further ado, here are my top # best Florida Man stories on the internet!
1- Floridians Try To Shoot Down Hurricane Irma
In September 2017, Hurricane Irma formed in the South Atlantic and made its way up through the Caribbean bringing havoc and destruction to Cuba, Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, and eventually South Florida. Right before it hit Florida, though, a massive Facebook group gained national popularity for trying to stop the Hurricane in its tracks.
Their solution? Get every Florida gun owner to get their guns out and shoot the hurricane at once. The group figured that if tens of thousands of people all fire heavy artillery into the sky, that it would disrupt the hurricane and mess it up. Nice try, right?
It got so bad that the local Sheriffs had to make a public announcement telling Floridians that they should do no such thing and that the wind could cause the bullets to fly elsewhere and cause damage!
2- Florida Man Steals All Of Burger King’s Nuggets
Have you ever quit a job that you hated and then turned around and given your old manager a giant middle-finger? Well, this employee took post-quitting revenge to a whole new level. One day, he decided that enough was enough. He quit his job, cleared out his belongings, and stole all of the remaining nuggets from the freezer!
3- Florida Man Assaults Girlfriend With Fried Chicken
While domestic abuse is nothing to laugh about, this story shows that food fighting can be taken to a whole new level. A St. Petersberg man and his girlfriend got into a heated argument that overflowed into the streets. According to the report, the man got so angry that he picked up a fried chicken drumstick out of his bucket and chucked it at the woman, nailing her square in the face. He was then arrested on a*****t charges.
4- Florida Man Steals U****l And Runs Off N***d
This is one of those “Don’t Do Drugs, Kids” type of stories. In Tallahassee, a Florida man got a little bit too d***k (and probably took something else) at the pub. Before leaving, he went to the bathroom, stripped down b**t-n***d, ripped an entire u****l off of the wall, carried it out the door and ran off into the woods.
5- Would-Be Libertarian Senator Sacrifices Goat
In 2015, Libertarian Senate candidate, Sol Invictus (yes, that’s his real name), decided that it would be a good idea to let it slip that he was a “pagan” in every sense of the word. He openly stated that he sacrificed goats and drank their blood. In addition to being a White Supremacist, he openly claimed that he believed his destiny was to lead a second Civil War.
After these claims, the Libertarian Party publicly denounced him. It’s crazy that somebody could get this far, though!
6- Florida Man Performs Kung Fu On Swans
In 2018, authorities got a wacky call from concerned citizens in a Jacksonville public park. Apparently, a bald man was in the park practicing karate kicks on the local swan population. If you’ve ever seen swans angry, you can imagine how p****d the feathered flock was. This takes the “swan kata” to a whole new level.
7- Florida Man Shows Officer His Mixtape Instead Of Identification
In the past, rappers have been known for hustling mixtapes and giving them out to anybody they come across to help promote their music. It’s a tried and true tactic that works. I’ve walked away with my fair share of mixtapes and EPs in my day.
However, this tactic doesn’t work so well when you try it on the police. An 18-year-old aspiring rapper (stage name not listed) was speeding and driving recklessly by a school zone. The local officers pulled him over and asked him for his license and registration. The man could produce neither. So, instead, the rapper gave the officers his mixtape.
As you can imagine, he was arrested, but hey– you can’t blame a guy for trying, right?
Prepare Yourself For The Florida Man Challenge!
The Florida Man stories have become so popular on the internet that Twitter users even created a challenge to go along with it- #FloridaManChallenge.
Unlike other popular “challenges” that involve doing incredibly s****d and dangerous activities, this one is actually pretty harmless (which is why I’m promoting it). The idea of the challenge is simple- just Google your birthday followed by the text, “Florida Man” (e.g., May 5th Florida Man).
Once all of the stories pop up, pick the strangest story that happened on your birthday and post it on social media! It’s bound to get you some great interaction.